I don't know why I'm updating on Xanga of all places, but I am.
Anyway...I'm never happy for like a whole day. Really, if you spread it out, I'm happy about 60-120 minuets a day. I just want to wake up one day & have the best day ever & nothing go wrong. Just one day in my life. Really, is that hard to ask for? Just one day have nothing to go wrong. No break downs. No degrading myself. No physically harming myself. Just one day, wake up & have a smile all day & it wouldn't be fake. Not filling my day up with the internet. Not listening to music. Just have a great day & feel great.
No, I can't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything. I pussyed out of jumping off my house. Instead I just swallow the most random pills. I pick the lamest pills to even do so; I didn't even vomit them out.
I'm at the end of my noose, I've got nothing to lose. I'm digging my own grave, And that's the truth. My self esteem is low and I'm so high, And I dont give a fuck if I live or die. Just bury me in my self pity, Can't even get myself to talk to me. I'd kill myself, but it wouldnt help, Can't someone put me out of my misery? I'm going down I was born to die. I'm going down, now I'll say goodbye. Crash Crash It's a hit, it's a bang, it's a smash. Crash Crash It's a hit, it's a bang, it's a smash. Throw in the towel it's over for me, I fell right out of the ugly tree. I cross my heart and I hope I die, But I'm sure to fuck it up if I even try. Too dumb to die, too smart to live, Those are the choices that I'm left with Eeny - Meeny - Miney - Mo Bombs away motherfuckers, here I go. I'm going down I was born to die. I'm going down, now I'll say goodbye
Pretty much.
Added bonus points of how stupid I am: It took me 5 tries to remember how to italicize because I refused to use the italic button.
